If Only I Had Told Her by Laura Nowlin
Author:Laura Nowlin
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Sourcebooks
Sylvie doesnât open her eyes; she stands there. The heat has finally gotten to her, and her face has a pink and dewy glow that makes her look like sheâs been crying, even though Iâm pretty sure sheâs hasnât been.
âIs that it?â
Sylvie opens her eyes and blinks at me.
âIt seemed complete, but it was so short.â
âI told you she knew how to get to the point,â Sylvie says. Finally, she takes off her jacket. âI found her book on the English language shelf in a used bookstore in Paris. I read that poem and bought the book.â She folds her jacket over her arm and sighs. âI read it cover to cover twice on the train to Berlin.â
âYou know,â Iâm not sure what Iâm about to say, though it feels important. âFinn would love this. You planning to visit the grave of the one poet you thought wasnât bullshit after his funeral.â I rush to say, âHe wouldnât love that he wasâ¦you know, having a funeral.â I can tell Sylvieâs trying to follow along, so I continue. âBut if he had to have a funeral, he would love that you were doing this afterward. Are doing it.â
âBecause itâs the sort of thing Autumn would do?â She raises her chin and looks me in the eyes.
I shake my head. âShe wouldnât have a map. Or she would lose the map or get lost even with the map.â I wave Autumnâs ghost away with my hands. âBut, Sylv, my point was Finn would have loved you having that map in your jacket pocket all through his funeral. He would have loved you saying that, unlike other poets, this one knew how to get to the point. He loved you.â
Sylvie is back to staring at the grave. âBut not the way he loved her.â
I canât argue with that. More than anyone, I canât argue with it, so I join her in staring at the date on the grave.
The wind picks up, giving some relief. There are so many old trees in this part of the cemetery, and the rustle of the leaves is so loud I can barely hear her say, âWhere was she?â
âAutumn?â
Sylvie nods. âI thought about asking Angelina, but I could tell she knew that Finn and I were breaking up that night and why. It felt better not to ask.â
âAutumn told me that she felt you should have the funeral.â It hadnât made sense to me when Autumn said it, and I donât expect it to make sense to Sylvie, but she nods.
âI didnât expect that of her,â she says.
Weâre quiet again. The wind is starting to feel like the beginning of an afternoon storm. We wonât be able to stay much longer.
âUm, you didnât want to be alone with your poet or anything, did you?â
âMy poet?â Sylvie cracks another sad smile. âShe was the first poet to ever win a Pulitzer, so sheâs hardly âmine.â But no and thank you for asking.â She pauses. âYou need a ride home, donât you?â
âUm, yeah?â I say.
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